The "F" Word

THE BIG 4-0hh!

I wrote this a few years back when I was about to turn 40, and then tucked it away. When I recently reread it I smiled at how some of the thoughts and beliefs are worth revisiting on a regular basis, so I offer it up to the world via my blog – in hopes that someone may get something out of it – even if it’s just a giggle.

Cheers ~ Mim*

Letters from the foxhole: Fighting the war on ageing one tantrum at a time

On Turning 40

(or $39.95 plus shipping & handling)

I’m a 1967 kid – cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!

Well, on November --^th 20-- (shhhh - secret), it’s going to happen, whether I fight it or not. With the tick of the clock at 12:01am I will be exiting my 30s, and entering a whole new decade where I get the privilege of using the ultimate “F” word:

FORTY!!!!

I demand a recount!!

In the Bible, 40 is the standard numerical value given to anything needing to be described as “a great many”. It took 40 days and 40 nights to flood the world with rain; Israelites roamed aimlessly for 40 years before finding the Promised Land; and before his crucifixion, Jesus spent 40 days in the desert, yet, in the Western World “Life begins at 40”.

So, my life is only JUST beginning? Is that it? So what’s it been so far, the warm-up?

Well, I’m not convinced. I still haven’t recovered from my thirties yet, or even started my mid-life crisis, and statistically speaking my life is already half over, so needless to say that I’m not quite packed for this great journey of being 40. Isn’t there an application form to fill out before becoming a ‘quadragenarian’?

In our 20s, we don’t care about what the world thinks of us. In our 30s, we care too much what it thinks of us. When we reach 40, we discover it wasn’t thinking of us at all.

Because I’m one of the first in my group of friends to reach this milestone, there’s a grave lack of people to gather information from on this topic. Pre-40s don’t have much to say about the subject other than teasing the person nearing it. In fact, they personally avoid thinking about the topic altogether, possibly hoping that if they keep quiet it may not happen to them. This explains the lack of enthusiasm for a big celebration by those who aren’t turning 40. Of course, all this will change when they near their 40^th, and expect nothing less than fireworks and a cast of circus clowns.

So I ventured out into that vast neighbourhood called the Internet in the hopes of gathering some useful tips on what to expect, and discovered that there are some definite does and don’t to embrace before stumbling into that new epoch.

Apparently, although I may still think that I’m young enough to give it a go, I should now be ‘old enough’ to know better. In my opinion I’m still only 21, with 19 years experience, but I’m expected to start knowing what it is I DO know. After all the education, therapy, kicks to the stomach, losses, setbacks, and triumphs, the world is supposed to begin making navigable sense to me now. I’m apparently going to start caring less about what others think, what I look like, and about the mistakes made in the past, while paying closer attention to the environment, the state of the world, and yoga!

They also say that I’ll start loosing my memory at 40. Well, thank Goddess I’ve got mine backed up on my computer. So many memories, so little RAM. So, does that mean that from now on I’ll be looking for trouble but forgetting why I cared?

I’ve read that I should strap myself in since 40 is believed to be every woman’s “launching pad”. This does cause me to seriously re-evaluate my wardrobe for the trip since, as the faithful day draws near, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve left something behind … my figure perhaps? Rumour has it that at 40 you’re still HOT, it just tends to come in flashes.

But aside from all these apparent jaded laments, I will not go down without a fight. I will take full advantage of modern science to dupe myself into staying as immature as possible. This model is a 1967 ORIGINAL – one owner – needs parts – make an offer! Classics never go out of style, right? Technically I’m ‘vintage’, and retro is in fashion. I’ve heard that 40 is the new 30, so I have to believe that it took me 40 years to look this good, or at the very least, to know that if I was a wine I couldn’t afford me. From now on, if anyone asks my age, I’ll start responding with: “formerly 39”. Hey, it worked for Prince!

Fortunately I’ve never bought into the poison that growing old is a terrible thing. I embrace this new life. Heck, I made it out of my twenties and thirties with most of my sanity and all my body parts; I should be able to conquer a new decade with style. I’ve come this far with a pretty good attitude, why change that now? I’m young at heart and only slightly older in other places.

When I think about all that I’ve done, I breathe a sigh of relief. Some of my classmates never made it past their teens, and a few are still stuck in them. Even if I don’t fit into my teen jeans anymore, I’ve managed to walk away with only minor regrets, and the wisdom to avoid them in the future (the regrets AND the tight jeans). Heck, I’ll be 40, and with no prison record! (I’m not quite sure if that’s something to be proud of, especially when it sounds more like I’m offering my friends a creative & challenging birthday present idea.)

People have told me that those turning 40 should make a bucket list of things to accomplish in their new decade. Sounds like aging people either have too much time on their hands, or turn into compulsive list makers, but I decided it couldn’t hurt. Here’s how far I managed to get:

1. Don’t Die!
2. Write a book. Sell at least 100 copies. (Mental note: get all my friends’ addresses and credit card numbers)
3. Learn a new language. (Not just the swear words - habla español?)
4. Discover a new country. (or Rediscover an old one?)
5. Get BACK in shape.
6. Enter a contest. (I think I’ll stick with an Art Contest, unless I manage to REALLY get into shape!)
7. Sing horrible Karaoke. (Maybe I’ll try out for “Singing Bee” or Idol? Although this one doesn’t really      appeal to me, after watching so many people at the mic with their eyes close while putting their heart & soul into belting out off-key lyrics regardless of who’s watching, I’ve come to believe that every human being should subject themselves to such a humbling experience. Again, this is not a challenge for a creative birthday gift!)
8. Do something that scares me or makes me uneasy at least once a month.
9. Put myself out there. (That’s one scary thing covered – maybe I’ll have an art show!)
10. Stop smoking. (Yet another scary thing!)
11. Rethink my least favourite food – tastebuds change. (Do I even have a least fav?)
12. Move into or build the house of my dreams. (I wonder if the Louvres is on the market.)
13. Make 10 new friends – one to mark each year.
14. Learn about a new religion or culture. Education on faith teaches a person how to believe.
15. Get a pet. Don’t let it die!
16. Forgive everyone, including myself. (Hasn’t it been long enough?)
17. Take up a new sport or two. (Snowboarding sounds intriguing, along with curling. Not together though!)
18. Learn to drive. (Send out an email-warning when I do)
19. Ride my bike. (Bush bash in Canada!)
20. Learn to play guitar. (5 songs in 2.5 years coming up!)
21. Take a cruise. (Alaska here I come!)
22. Buy a kayak, learn to use it properly, and then go kayaking with Killer Whales in Alaska. (That should cover a few scary moments!)
23. Set up my own website. (Peddle my art and my book.)
24. Teach a class again.
25. Take a class again.
26. Play! (Build sandcastles, fly kites, and jump in puddles.)
27. Dream big, aim high.
28. Read lots. (Start/join a book club.)
29. Find a great hairdresser, gynaecologist, and stockbroker. (Probably best if they are 3 separate people.)
30. Find my internal strength foundation to get me through any hard nights ahead without going crazy.
31. Find the perfect facial foundation to get me through the long days ahead without going ashy.
32. Find a cause, and fight for it in my own unique way.
33. Donate a painting to charity.
34. Give yoga a chance!
35. Learn at least the basics of car mechanics.
36. Learn to Tango.
37. Create a retreat in Mexico or Panama.
38. Live and let Live!
39. Live and let Die!
40. Live, Live, Live, and Live some more!

So, I am determined to glorify this new season (with all the seasonings) of being, and spice up my ‘prime’ years with the myriad of lessons I’ve been taught, which I’ll carry with me like a handbag full of useful goodies.

I’ve loved, I’ve lost, and I’ve learned that chocolate has some mysterious medicinal properties.

I’ve seen that life can set you back, sideswipe you, and sweep you off your feet in a matter of hours.

I’ve realized that some of the most important lessons come out of the harshest environments, and some of the most beautiful things can crawl out of the darkest and ugliest locations.

I’ve accepted that I know how to love as well as how to live through rejection.

I’ve come to understand that size DOES matter, one size does NOT fit all, and just because you can get a free refill it doesn’t mean you should.

I’ve come to appreciate that men don’t always think, and women sometimes do play games, and vice versa.

I’ve accepted that you can’t buy love, but that you can rent some really strange things in Vegas.

I’ve learned that friends are always around when times are good, it’s your shout, or they need a shoulder.

I’ve also learned that friends are nowhere to be seen when you’re falling apart, have to shift house, or need someone to pick you up.

I’m learning to move on, let go, and accept what I can’t change.

I fully believe that I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for whom I’m not. (Kurt Cobain Wisdom)

If life begins at 40, then I feel lucky enough to have a second chance at it, and I embrace the first day of my life. Welcome to my 1^st birthday.

Regards,

MCMLXVII

A.K.A.  Mim* – formerly 39.

Ps. Is it a cruel irony that 40 in roman numerals is XL? Perhaps I should dig up those old teen jeans, put them on EBay, and finally get something out of them.